Last year, I started my podcast for travel vloggers, which is set to restart soon (I’ve been a bit MIA with wrapping up the last details of my course, but I have several ideas in the works)! I was interviewing heaps of big YouTube creators and learning heaps along the way.

The biggest lesson I learned over and over is that your emotional experience is the base of a good travel vlog. It didn’t matter if it was your most experienced BBC broadcasters or some random woman who films entirely on a GoPro, they all said the emotional experience is the base of a good video on YouTube.

Remember my numerous quotes of Walter Murch, editor of The Godfather? According to him, emotions should be 51% of your edit.

I tried, but failed

So, I heard this over and over and over and over again. I studied numerous videos and found that the number one question travel vloggers would have to ask themselves to get the answers I was seeing in their YouTube videos is simply, “How am I feeling right now?”.

And yet, when I looked back at my footage, I was giving facts. I was telling what happened. And when I did talk about my feelings, it almost seemed like a disconnected observer, with the emotions themselves rarely coming through. I was struggling to implement the lesson.

Something is changing…

So fast forward to today. I feel like a broken record here, but it’s relevant, and I know some of you are new here (welcome by the way!).

In 2021-23, the following happened:

I was sailing around New Zealand, had to abandon my boat & get helicoptered to the ER for an emergency removal of a brain tumor for my ex-partner, became a caretaker in a life-threatening medical emergency, started falling for another guy, realised that’s messed up and started therapy to figure out why, realised I was in a toxic relationship, realised it was because I had a toxic childhood, learned and grew, and eventually realised I needed to walk away from the marriage.

That’s the kind of life event that wakes you up a bit. We’re all kind of walking zombies, and we get into our habits and then every 5-10 years or so (less often if you’re lucky), shit hits the fan, and you’re like, “WHAT WAS I DOING!?!”

In my healing journey, I read numerous books, went to therapy, and listened to podcasts where I learned a few things that have had a surprising and massive impact on my YouTube channel.

Trolls getting to me!

In the past, I would sit down to edit, and as I added in clips or bits that made me feel uncomfortable, my body would tense up and I would sit for hours debating whether or not to include it.

Here is a reality we all need to face as travel vloggers: your willingness to pick up the camera and show it all is highly correlated to your likelihood of success. The biggest YouTubers have no shame.

I knew this, and I want to be successful, and yet, the idea of facing the inevitable troll comments and judgement overwhelmed me. I would either cop out because of fear, OR I would spiral for hours (days!) after posting, and then obsess over the comments.

What was happening was a trauma response.

Signals, not problems.

When I talk about trauma, mine is quite obvious. Nothing subtle about it. It’s called “Big T” trauma. The kind of stories that fill your body with horror.

But often ignored or overlooked is “Small T” trauma – chronic emotional and / physical neglect. When your dad says, “Suck it up and be a big boy,” when you’re only two years old and have no emotional regulation skills. When your mom says, “Stop being such an attention seeker,” when you’re 5 years old and she’s been at work all day.

Because “Small T” trauma is much more subtle, it is more likely to not be dealt with and its impact ignored. But the reality is either trauma type has a big impact on your ability to access your emotions, especially in the moment. And how the heck are you going to film how you FEEL if not even you know?!

I don’t have this problem.

Alright, so I’m at this cool spot. I need to vlog how I feel. 

How do I feel?

*Mind blanks*

*Panic ensues*

I record something like, “This place is so cool!”

Turns out, if your Big T or Small T trauma happened before the age of 7, all of this is more likely and harder to shake. People with trauma (up to 50% of the western population by the way!) view emotions as problems that need to go away, whereas healthy people view emotions as signals for actions they need to take.

Because I viewed my emotions as a problem, and because I had so many actual problems, my body was overwhelmed. As a child who never learned how to emotionally regulate in a healthy way, my body responded by disassociating my emotions from my bodily sensations.

That would explain my completely emotionless vlogging and inability to explain the moment when on camera.

I don’t do that.

I think it’s important to point out here that I never would have believed it if I was being told this only two years ago. I’m your very typical self-help gal: I meditate. I do yoga. I conscientious of what I consume, and now I am drug and alcohol free. How could my body possibly be disassociated from my emotions???

*I know EXACTLY how I feel.*

Turns out…

So, I’m reading “The Body Keeps the Score“, and the writer explains yoga and mindfulness in a way I’ve never heard before, and suddenly, I realise I am soooooo disconnected between my movements, thoughts, and feelings. I have no idea how they all interact and affect each other.

He has me doing simple things, such as realising I have a headache because I haven’t had any water all day. Realising that I am having a hard time concentrating because I haven’t eaten. Realising that I am feeling anxious and skittish because I have to pee. I mean, damn… the basics.

As the obvious ones started to unfold, it started to cascade. I started to experiment with how different actions would impact the various feelings in my body. I watched in real time as my emotions and feelings would shift. And then I experimented the other way around. I watched as my body would respond to different thoughts.

It took about six months for me to see this initial shift, and I could actually see it unfold in the footage as I edited each YouTube video.

The conversation with myself.

One repetitive problem I have had for years is a tight and very painful jaw. As I started to experiment with how my feelings, thoughts and jaw all interacted, I naturally became aware of when I was tensing, whereas before it was just tensing with no awareness.

In the book, “The Body Keeps the Score“, I learned about internal family system (IFS), a therapy framework for healthy self-talk. I learned how to be a leader in my mind and not succumb to the fear. This completely revolutionised my relationship with fear, and finally gave me space to put myself out there. I was suddenly willing to take bigger risks with my travel vlog.

Now with the awareness, I am able to go to my IFS knowledge and lead my way to a relaxed jaw. “Hi teenage Daniella…I can see you are worried about getting fired if you underperform at work today. But actually, the last three days you have run out of work because you are working too fast. Also, we are only going to heal if we prioritise relaxing the body. So would you be willing to stand back and let us take it easier today?”

*Observes as body relaxes*

Ten minutes later *observes jaw re-tense*

*Walks through IFS again*

And this impacts my channel, how?

So, as I prepare for a big move out of Auckland city to a small New Zealand town, I know I need to record this very unique journey a lot of people would be interested in who are following my YouTube channel. I find myself picking up the camera and going through the same ole routine:

“How do I feel?”

*Mind blanks*

*Panic ensues*

“Wait brain, what are we afraid of?”

“Looking dumb. Not saying the thing that helps our channel grow.”

“Okay brain, I can see you have done a great job protecting me in the past, but now we know failure is the path to success. We also know we have to be fully honest to resonate with our audience. Would you be willing to stand back and trust me?”

*Body relaxes*

“Okay, so what do you feel? Be 100% honest. Don’t try to curate it.”

*Mind blanks and swirls*

“My body is swirly with what feels like anxiety. My shoulders are a bit tense. I am worried about not having a job lined up yet. It’s affecting my sleep. I’m also excited. It feels like a new chapter that I am ready for.”

It’s a journey.

I still feel the anxiety when I’m in the edit about whether or not to include something. I’ve realised there is a bit of darkness to my work that isn’t attractive to all, and a little voice creeps in my head that asks, “Is this what my audience wants?” “Will this hurt my growth?”

But I also know that this is truly me. These are my unfiltered and honest thoughts. This is 100% my reality and how I see the world.

There’s this space I hope I can help you all move into which is when you know all the rules of travel vlogging, you start connecting all the dots, and then you figure out which rules can be broken.

When you have the confidence to break the rules, that’s when you have the confidence to 100% trust and express what you are experiencing and put it out there to the world. Anything less will stunt your YouTube growth.

Action

To wrap up today’s newsletter, I encourage you to listen to this podcast episode of Colin & Samir about a new up and coming YouTuber. And enlightening and easy listen relevant to today’s article!

​https://open.spotify.com/episode/7zUPafaJPkOfMc5FfEzi7P?si=HySTe9voSjqQIcMmHtgZlA​

By the way, just a heads up that you have until the end of July 2024 to jump on expediting your channel growth with a $200 discount on your first year of joining my course. Use the discount code: DRYJULY2024 and get instant access to the course, the review spaces, 1:1 coaching, my behind-the-scenes reflections on my own business, and much more.

Otherwise, I’ll see you in the next article. 🙂